So I’m a day late and probably even a dollar short as the saying goes. Well, actually I am a year later (almost) and usually a few dollars short. But in my pocket where money used to be there is now hope. Sure… I guess the hope isn’t like money but it keeps my mind rich. A few people know my story; the close ones. I tell it often to people who are going through things to let them know that things will be okay because they have to be. Behind all of my nice pictures is a man shaken by the fears of failure with his back to the wall and his fist swinging. Some of you reading this will say… “What is he talking about?” Well what I am talking about is being “Lost In Translation” so to speak. Almost a year ago on November 18th, 2009 I was laid-off from a career. THIS LETTER IS A DIARY ENTRY A YEAR LATER. What was my job? It doesn’t matter at this point really. I became one of the stories I often saw on the news before it happen. The guy that has been in a job for years feeling secure and comes into work one day and it’s over. The moment? Man, It felt crazy. I had a little heads-up about it so I knew it was coming. But in a “Union” job you’d like to think “Naw, This can’t really happen right?” But it did. I still remember the day I returned home and I just stood staring at a corner in my bedroom, eyes welled up in tears. Damn, not again.

See I struggled before… My childhood wasn’t anything shiny at all. Full of love though. I look back and I thank god for a father loves me more than living himself but can only do so much from behind a wall in a federal prison for the past 25 years, he is brave and made of every fiber a man should be made of. My dad mistakes have me see why I cannot make many.  The 5 women that raised me… 4 sisters… 2 younger and 2 older and Mom. The 2 older brothers that I often give advice to. The families that aren’t the richest with wealth are often the ones that have more love than you can even imagine. As a teen I wasn’t a “street guy”, something I pride myself on. I went to school did my work, chased the girls like a young man would do. I went to college but didn’t finish but always said I’d go back. Then I got lucky and got this job. Talk about a lesson in the making that was. I loved the work, and the money… OH THE MONEY! lol. Yeah, I admit that it made me lazy. I kept saying to myself “man this is great I’m in my late 20-somethings and I’m not struggling at all” I’m a young black man making it. Cool!!!!

Then… This…. Smh… “Verizon is very sorry to announce that due to economic hardships, we are experiencing a reduction in workforce which means YOU!!!” (Not an exact quote but just like that.)

So what did I do…? Nothing, i went through a period of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I stayed at home for about 5 weeks without even going outside. Fast Forward… I knew I was gonna blow through any savings I had because there are simply no jobs. The few places I reached out to said, “We can’t even come close to your last salary” sorry we’ve got nothing for you. I watched the Republican senators from other states tell me that I wasn’t looking for work and just wanted to stay home. “They” said that these folks on unemployment shouldn’t get anything because how does that help them want to find a job. Well hello senator ass hole James “Jim” Bunning! I would lose my place and then have to resort to Public Assistance. Is that what you want? Sure as hell isn’t what I want. So I had a little stash. I took about $10,000 of it and bought 2 Mac’s, My first SLR camera, 4 lenses, a pro grade flash, lighting system, backdrops and stands. I looked in the mirror in February 2010 and said to myself “Pete, these lights need to stay on and this rent needs to be paid… Let’s do this. You are now a Pro photographer” Taking pictures was always a hobby of mine with a point and shoot. So I just wanted to go all the way and do it up. I never had the traditional training, Never went to a lighting class, I picked up the camera, some books, got tons if advice from MARIO NEWBALL and read. I don’t even think I’m that good. I just am dedicated because Con Ed, AT&T, Verizon FiOS, Rent etc. doesn’t care if I lost my job or if the unemployment ran out. So I grind. Looking back I can’t believe that have had the opportunity to take pics of people that I would see on TV and be in circles of people who actually made it. The makings of me are a pretty amazing story I think. I wouldn’t have discovered this love for photos this deeply if it wasn’t for losing my job and having to start over.

God sends messages in all kinds of packaging.

If he gave me a million dollars I wouldn’t have done this. He had to take something from me to see. Something to slow me down.

Appreciate things, friends, family and ones that don’t really wish you well. I remember waking up and looking around my bedroom about a month ago. Thanking god. Because it could always be worse. I looked at my week last week and I found myself standing with THE BIG DOG in Hip-Hop photography and rolling with him all over NYC for an entire night. I followed this man’s trail of work since I picked up the camera. Now I’m in a cab with him talking about the game and the do’s and don’ts. Crazy! I couldn’t have dreamt this one up.

I spoke to Nakim a close friend and he understands my plight. He dropped jewels yesterday and said… “Just stay focused, be humble, work hard and patiently with your head down. By the time you look up you’ll be in places you never thought.”

It’s a year later. I’m way smarter. Still hustling hard and trying to answer everyone’s favorite question. “Now What Pete?”

I wrote this to help anyone who is scared… Don’t be… God is watching.

Share/Save

Video: Slick Jackson Film

Music: Jesse Boykins III – B4 The Night Is Thru [Produced by Machine Drum]

I’d like to thank everyone that came out this past Friday to celebrate my birthday aka G-Day. It was a wonderful evening of laughter, drinks and music. I’d like to thank Larry & David @ Santos for being such great hosts. Chad & Promise for holding down the door like they always do. The GFCnewyork family for their commitment and loyalty over the years.  And The Black Apple for reminding us why everyone comes here to pursue their passions and dreams.  This story is only beginning…

Saint

Share/Save

You can’t see me, because you can’t see me, literally and figuratively.  That’s just how I feel right about now, because the game will make you question yourself.  Fortunately, I know I am the answer.  We know we are the answer.  We’re exactly what the games been missing.  And you can’t tell me you know what we look like, when you haven’t seen us or something as us, in years.  We are the change and whether you see us or not, change gon’ come.  So with that said, I welcome myself to the Matrix.  #wuddupdoe – Saint

Photography By Steve-O

Share/Save

So… its about 4:37 am… have not slept all night. I just had a great time out in the city (NYC). Great friends, drinks, food and conversation. I was among some of my closest friends and some of their friends. Some I knew, some I didn’t. Each on the rise in their respective professions. From the group I could feel a sense of closeness and fellowship. I myself had just had a very productive day (no pun) planning out some career goals. Some distant and some very near. Among all of us, ages ranging from 21-24 there was one common thread, among others. We all want to achieve something that to most seems unattainable…. Success.

Merriam-Webster’s definition of the word “success” reads as follows…

2 a : degree or measure of succeeding b : favorable or desired outcome; also : the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence

Stay with me here…

Well… what if one attains “wealth, favor or eminence” and it turns out to be unfavorable or desirable in hindsight? And furthermore, to what degree does one measure success? It seems as the common mistake that is made is when people get lost in the pursuit of happiness and find themselves measuring their success and happiness by what other people or society deems as “successful”. Does wealth equal success? How about popularity and overwhelming influence? It seems to me that people get a false sense of what “success” truly is and what is relative to them and their lives. You might see a garbage man picking up trash at 5 am and think “Damn, that must suck! Picking up trash? At 5 am? In all weather conditions? Who would want to do that? He wasn’t successful in life”… smh. In all actuality, that very same “sanitation engineer” may have never had a job in life or may have never been able to support himself or family. If he is able to now consistantly provide food and shelter for his family as a garbage man, with whatever amount of money he makes, regardless of weather he lives in a house or apartment,  I am one that can commend him with a job well done. He has succeeded. If he can watch his children sleep at night and not worry about them being hungry then hasn’t he succeeded if that was his goal? Pardon my neurons…

J.F.K

Share/Save

Real niggas cry when real niggas die.

3:15am
July 29th 2009

They killed one of my best friends. After 5 aimless hours of walkin through the hood i decided to lay back and write this. I know yall are used to my comical comentary and stories but just lemme vibe out a lil, i need an outlet, My mind is fucked up, the tears stopped temporarily, i never had someone that close to me get clipped. Pain is an emotion i was lucky enough to dodge over the years exept for tonight. I gotta get out the hood, this life isnt detrimental towards living, niggas die in the hood everyday but why my Terell? why couldnt he be an exception to our environment? whats so crazy about it is that our last conversation was about how long we knew eachother and how no-one in the immediate click ever got taken off this earth…..see how life works, here today, gone tomorrow. Shit be too ironic, too coincidental. There i am in the hospital watchin him on that bed amazed at what im seein…..my Terell dead, gone…how? why?…i kissed his hand and told him goodbye, my nigga for life, i can only see u in my thoughts now but dont forget to save me a spot in the clouds when i get to see you again.

R.I.P Terell Rivers

1 love

Share/Save

I have had more time than anyone for my words from. I woke up one day feeling like every other day with the same thoughts from the other day. I lived by “if i want to continue to be a successful man I have to be a better man than I was the day before” so everyday I have to step it up. I felt like I wasn’t getting better waking up feeling the same way I did the day before. So I cut a major pass time out of my daily/weekly schedule. Now I wake up feeling better than i did the day before. Especially with the friends, enemies, & associates doubting me. So I’m some what successful everyday and i’m a better man than i was the day before……………………

10 DAYS F*CKING SOBER… I win! already WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT….. “i just turned it up on yall”

Callender aka Gookie Monster

PS. F*ck typos and proof reading…

Share/Save